When I was working as a national entertainment reporter, one of the perks of the job was traveling – to tropical locales, domestic retreats, and international destinations. Shockingly, many of the reporters did not enjoy this aspect; a lot of it took place on the weekends, and took them away from their home and family time. As for me, I was on my own, and found their reluctance to be to my benefit.
I remember one Friday our managing editor asked me if I had any plans for the weekend. I said I was available for whatever was needed. “Great,” he said. “Pack your bags, you’re going to Scotland to interview Sean Connery and Catherine-Zeta Jones.”
No big deal, right?
At this point, I was only a few months into this spectacular, professional opportunity but rubbing elbows with Hollywood’s elite wasn’t intimidating to me. However, international travel was.
I grew up fairly sheltered, with a family who ventured out only occasionally, mostly by car, and usually no further than our nearby campground or a cabin a few hours away. I’d flown more than either of my parents by the time I was in my 20’s – but only domestically. In fact, for reasons I didn’t understand at the time, I literally had no interest in international travel. As I got older, my worldly friends were in disbelief. “There’s so much to experience, you have to go to Europe!” I was insistent that I was fine traveling within the confines of the U.S. and honestly meant it.
So here I was, faced with my very first international trip – on my way to sit and chat with some of the most celebrated movie stars of our time. By myself.
Traveling alone was not an issue for me, but as I landed in London for my connecting flight, and exited the plane, a bit of panic struck. This was not like any airport I’d seen. Frankly, it was confusing as heck, and I found I had trouble identifying where to go, which lines to get in. I wasn’t in Kansas anymore, Toto.
I quickly got caught up in the pace of the other travelers, started asking questions and rushed to my gate. Of course, I had no trouble making the flight, yet something dawned on me, and I felt an excited sense of awakening. There were so many new things to learn…and that was exciting.
Once in Scotland, oh my. Everything was the same…yet very different! The money was different. The cabs looked different. People had different terms for everything. An elevator was referred to as “a lift.” It felt like I was in an alternate universe.
It was both fascinating and thrilling. Now I understood what my friends had been talking about. There was a whole new world out there to explore. How could I have been so blind?
My interviews were scheduled the next day, and although the time difference was affecting me, and I knew I should get some sleep, I wanted to explore, as I knew my time here was limited. I hit the streets, took in my new surroundings, saw a castle in the distance. A castle!
As I continued my exploration, I came across an artist who was painting that castle, and decided then and there to purchase it (the art, not the castle), to represent this momentous occasion in my life. I then headed back to the hotel and forced myself to get some sleep.
Morning came quickly, and there was work to do. Our network, E! News, had arranged for a local crew to work with me for the interviews, and we met at the hotel where the interviews would be conducted. This was a promotional interview for a movie junket. For our interview with Catherine, we were set up in a lovely outdoor cabana. The natural beauty of the environment, and of Catherine, made for a visually stunning interview. It was time to move on to my interview with the legendary Sean Connery.
My crew and I were escorted into a small room, decorated beautifully with…absolutely nothing. Nothing. It was a sparse room, with a couple of chairs and absolutely no atmosphere. I quickly contacted the hotel manager to see what could be done, and he offered his apologies. Apparently, the hotel had hosted a large wedding the night before, and all available décor and chairs had been dedicated to that event. The producer in me quickly went into action. An important aspect of producing is problem-solving – and a mantra in News has always been, “It’s not about doing the best you can. It’s about doing the best you can with the resources you have available at the time.”
“Were there floral arrangements at this wedding?” I inquired. Of course there were, many of them. With the manager’s permission, I immediately sent my crew to where the event had taken place, with instructions to return with as many leftover arrangements and décor they could find. In the meantime, I started getting creative with the few items of furniture left in the room. Moved a chair closer to a window. Placed a lamp on a side table. That type of thing.
Time was running out, and we were scrambling. The crew came back with gorgeous barely-used floral arrangements and even some linens – and very quickly we were able to transform a bare setting into a lovely and star-worthy backdrop…and just in time. Just as we finished, there was a knock at the door, and in walked the superstar. James Bond, in the flesh.
They say some people have presence, and this man had it in spades. It was like a storm of electricity filled the room as he walked in, took my hand, and told me it was nice to meet me. (Was I supposed to let go at some point?) It felt like he held onto my hand for an eternity! His presence was palpable, an energy that everyone felt; he was a towering mass of electricity…igniting a spark and raising the level of excitement within all of us.
When I think back on this experience, it was a staggering amount of “new and intimidating” experiences for me. Traveling out of the country. Navigating my way around a new city on my own. Working with and directing strangers who made up the crew. Coming up with a solution to transform a bare canvas into a piece of art. Not only meeting, but interviewing, two of the biggest stars in the world.
Where did the confidence come from? As humans, we have a universal fear of the unknown. New experiences are intimidating for most of us, and not knowing what to expect leaves us feeling vulnerable. So we often choose the more comfortable route – and say no.
As Brené Brown will tell you, most people fear vulnerability, when in fact, vulnerability is the birthplace of courage. I would add to that to say that courage, then, is the birthplace of confidence.
It starts with choices. When asked if I were willing to go on a last-minute international trip, I could have said no. If, when in London, I didn’t ask questions, I could have missed my flight. If I had accepted the condition of the interview space, I might well have been uncomfortable and embarrassed, even, when our star entered the room, which would have definitely made me feel less confident.
Instead, I empowered myself by first and foremost, choosing to say “yes.” Was it an intimidating proposition? Yes. But I would argue that saying yes is the first step to having the confidence to move forward. If a baby is asked if he would like to go into a pool for the first time, and he were able to communicate, he’d likely say “HECK NO!” But once in, he starts to kick and eventually learns to swim. Given his choices at the time, instinct takes over.
New situations may feel uncomfortable, but we have to remember that change, that life, begins outside our comfort zone. We are all in a new and uncomfortable position as I write this, and WAY outside of our comfort zones, because there is so much uncertainty, so much we do not yet know. But we have to have confidence in the things we can control, and believe that when things get back to “normal,” there will be growth.
So – say yes, to virtual meet-ups. Say yes, to reading a book you’ve been wanting to read. Say yes, to cultivating deeper closeness with the people in your life who mean the most, and say yes to having confidence that we will get through this and in some ways be better for it. Use this time to increase your skill set, so that when the time is right, you’ll be able to leap forward, with more confidence in your abilities than you had before. Saying yes, especially in times of uncertainty, is a powerful choice.
Be ready, when the time is right, to take back your world by storm, with gusto, and have the confidence to try the things you’ve wanted, visit places you’ve never been. You’re already outside your comfort zone, and you’re handling it. Be both shaken – and stirred. When some comfort is restored, you’ll be in a better, stronger place with a clearer vision of what you want….and whatever it is, it can be yours.